


Hatred

by Ferrane



Series: Mergana in Words [3]
Category: Merlin (TV)
Genre: F/M, Past Relationship(s)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-06-14
Updated: 2020-06-14
Packaged: 2021-03-04 03:21:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,063
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24716740
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ferrane/pseuds/Ferrane
Summary: Morgana realises what she hates the most as the world continues to change.*A time relevant to reincarnated, modern fic*
Relationships: Merlin/Morgana (Merlin)
Series: Mergana in Words [3]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1756156
Comments: 3
Kudos: 12





	Hatred

By the window, as a man is beheaded for living, is when the idea first comes to her. It's abrupt and fleeting, so irreverent she doesn't take much note, thinks she's just overthinking it. Her eyes squeeze shut as the dull blade falls. As the sun becomes swallowed by the moon, blood and flames ripping apart the sky, she waits for the wind to tear her apart.

Morgana had always known that she was destined for more, more than just an object clinging to the arm of a man. She was smart and brave and kind. And just a woman. There were many days Morgana cursed the heavens for having her birthed female, to be doomed to a fate of inequality and injustice, but after a while Morgana had realised the truth.

The Lady Morgana often put the comfort and happiness granted to her on the line for others. The people who lived in the lower towns had less rights than her, a noble lady in a castle. More freedom but less rights. Morgana often wondered if the trade off was worth it. They were people with unchanging fates, sheep walking off cliffs. They were fed with gold rocks and dreams, and lived on nothing but the small joys their family dug from the hard, cold ground. They were people with less rights, less money, less food. And yet, sometimes, they seemed even more content than Morgana could ever dream of being.

When she had first realised that her magic was well, magic, Morgana had panicked. Thoughts of escaping, fleeing from the castle without a second thought had invaded her thoughts. Taking a dagger and stabbing it through her heart lest she have to face the King. Or even, taking the dagger and, an act of treason she hoped the powers that be would forgive, stabbing the King. And then Arthur would come to mind and she would have to stop the bile from rising in her throat because Arthur was someone she considered a brother, someone she could never hurt. But Merlin, Merlin had been a hope she could grasp onto. Safe. Warm. Safe.

And fate was so very cruel.

Morgause knew how to grasp at Morgana's insecurities, to play the emotional strings of her heart to the steady beat of her lies. Morgana knew what Morgause was doing. But Morgause was safe. Morgause understood. Morgause was there for her. Morgause was her sister, her true family. How could she ever hate her?

And Arthur was her brother.

The urge to rip Uther's heart straight out from his body had never felt so strong. She was a princess. She was a princess! And by right, being 1 year older than Arthur, _the throne was hers._

Gwen and Arthur were a happy couple who couldn't care less about her. Merlin, a boy she had so blindly put her faith in, had taken her trust and spat on it. Gaius, the elderly man who had taught her the basics in medicine so that she felt some semblance of control in her life, had dulled her powers since she first showed as a child. Morgause was gone, taken from her by Emrys. Mordred had come running back to her side like a dog licking her boots the moment his love was killed. Morgana sat on her throne, and knew. An army thousands strong. Mordred at her side. _She was alone_. The truth comes back to her yet again, the reason for all the world's suffering. She laments this truth as the war horns cry.

Morgana stands over Mordred's grave, feeling a gaping hole in her chest at losing the last of her family. She had chased Emrys and the Once and Future King down, had hunted them with the hatred of many. And she had the bitter feeling that destiny wasn't done with her yet as a sword was plunged through her chest by the form of a man she had once loved.

When Morgana awakes it's to a time without magic. There are cars and buses and trains and fire called lights but not fire but electricity that lit up the world of darkness she had become accustomed to and it's all just _so fucking bright and it hurts_.

The truth comes back to her yet again as the earth shakes and she's thrown back by a massive cloud of dust. She feels the hands of someone shaking her, their mouth snapping in her face but all she can hear is this horrifying screech in her ears, ringing and bashing and _hurting_. Hurting, so, so much. And she knows. It's humanity. Humanity is the problem.

She awakes again, unfocused, perplexed as to when she had passed out in the first place.

The first face she sees is that of Guinevere, wipping the sweat from her brows. The _feelings_ that hit her feel more punishing than they should and she doesn't realise she's crying until the queen scoops her into her arms and holds her against her chest, shushing her gently as though but a babe.

Arthur's back, they're all back. Merlin's back. And the world is in the midst of a war. They named it World War 4. Supposedly, humans went off the deep end, aiming for space travel and then turning their backs on the _Earthians_ as though they weren't all the same to begin with. It's a world where science stands in the place of magic and it's horrible. Morgana suddenly doesn't feel as evil. 

But she doesn't feel any less alone either.

Morgause is back.

She hugs her sister on the balcony of the mansion they are staying in, holding her there as though it will be enough to ground them both. It's not, but it's a good dream.

After Morgause comes Merlin and they both cry. But neither of them apologises. 

When Merlin leaves Arthur comes and he just says he's glad she came back.

When Arthur leaves Gwen comes and she dreams of them one day being as close as they were.

The encounters leave her with a dull thudding in her chest and as the sun is swallowed by the moon, blood and flames ripping apart the sky, she waits for the wind to tear her apart.

It's not guilt she feels. Not loss or loneliness anymore. Neither despair nor desperation.

Just a deep, bitter hatred for humanity.


End file.
